Poor Ish Is Dead

I know. Ish doesn't rhyme with Judd at all but I thought it was clever.

Hey - I haven't slept much in last few days!

Anyway, we came home from Quinn's baptism last night to find Ish gasping his last little fishy breaths. Rob aerated his water. I mashed up some peas and placed them in the water (because I've read in several places that it helps in situations like these). He tried to swim sideways (because he was pretty much belly up already) to get some fish food but I don't think he ever did.

This morning, he was at the bottom of the tank and not moving.

And so passes the great Ish, won at a pre-school carnival, lovingly tended for 2.5 years as he lived in his 1 gal ice cream bucket (really, it was so the opaque plastic would give him privacy - that's what it was! Would you want to live in a glass house?). He will be mourned by my children and by our cat Jenny whom I'm sure is thinking, "Damn, I coulda had a good meal too!"

Is it bad that upon noting his death, my first thought was, "If I flush him down the toilet now, I can put the ice cream bucket on the curb for the recyclers to pick up!" And I did. No sense keeping more trash evidence of his demise around to torment my children.

As a side note, which I will not be confessing to my children, I'm thinking that he died from not being fed. These last few days have been crazy and little things have slipped through the cracks. (And you thought this blog was the only thing I was ignoring!)

Or, as I will tell the children, he was faking his death because, "all drains lead to the ocean." And now he is a free fish swimming in the vast Pacific Ocean. Heck, Nemo's his best friend.

That's the official story anyway and I'm sticking to it.

867-5309

I am continually amazed with the changes of life. We work so hard to plan, prepare and forecast the future only to have "acts of God" suddenly breeze into life and turn everything up onto its tail. I find that this happens with many of my blessings in life as well as trials. I had been thinking about my family's struggles a few months ago when Robert and I watched The Nativity Story for the first time. I have read this story countless times in my life, but new things always pop out at me in God's timing. This time I was impressed with the visit of the wise men bearing gifts of great riches. Here was this impoverished little family who was allowed a short pause in a stable to give birth and enjoy those first tender moments with their new son. In only a few more moments they would be traveling to Egypt to escape the cruel narcissism of Herod. It had been everything they could do to make the trek to Bethlehem and now they were going to have to travel further with very little in the way of material support. In walks these wise men from the East, whom Mary and Joseph wouldn't even have guessed were on the way, with gifts of great wealth. God provided for His son. I have no doubt that these gifts helped sustain them on the journey to Egypt and even beyond. I think about this in my own life. More times than I can count the solutions to my dilemmas have come not necessarily from my own planning or the solutions I designed, but from some God breeze that I never saw coming. His tendermercies humble me and remind me that I am not in control, no matter how much I try to delude myself. Such a reminder came this weekend in the form of a tiny kitten.

I got a call from my neighbor Saturday morning. She had something to show me. I came over and there was this tiny orange tabby cat softly mewing in her kitchen. The cat had been left behind at a meeting she attended, discarded by her owner. My friend had brought her home thinking to keep her. I walked the cat across the street to show her to my kids. Next thing I know, my neighbor can't keep her, but could I? Hmmm....I've been wanting a cat but this is terrible timing. We're cash poor for the next few months while Robert transitions to his new job, holidays, birthdays and buying a pig and half a cow. But where would this kitty go? To the humane society?! If ever there was a misnomer, I think that association counts! Heart strings pulled, we decide to keep the kitty but I am in severe denial. The whole while I'm looking at this kitten and wondering if this is one of those acts of God, a blessing momentarily disguised as a trial. I'm still up in the air on this. The kitten, Jenny we named her, is covered in fleas. My friend gave her a flea bath the night before she took her home and I just gave her another tonight. My husband oh so patiently picked out each flea after her bath, no small feat given that she is a long-haired cat. My husband also set up a little bed for her after her bath on a heating pad. Jenny sleeps right now in seventh heaven. I have to call the vet tomorrow. One of her eye's is goopy and may have a cold in it. There will be shots and now a litter box to clean as we get the kitten house broke. Let's not forget that we are leaving town this weekend and she will have to stay somewhere else. (Thank goodness for in-laws!)

But in all of this there is still that something in me that keeps thinking this will end up being a blessing for my family and for me even though now it is a monstrous burden wrapped up in a few ounces of orange fluff. Right now, Jenny has shown me the marshmallow heart of my husband, an avowed cat hater, who has tenderly cared for the kitten even to the point of letting it curl up with him as he tried to take a Sunday afternoon nap. "She wouldn't stop meowing so I had to do something," he gruffly states to defend his actions. Right now, Jenny is giving me hope that as I tend this kitten, so to will my Father tend me. If we, being evil, can care for her with such immediate tenderness and love, how much more will my Father, who has known me since before my birth, take care of me? Right now, Jenny is proof of love and goodness and somehow, odd as it may sound, a wisp of my mother. Right now, Jenny is the balm of Gilead for my heart. Who knows what tomorrow may bring and if I may still feel weepy eyed over this kitten, who will undoubtedly claw at my furniture, defecate in inappropriate places, meow all night giving us no sleep, require time, attention and money we don't have, but right now, there is a feeling in my soul that this is the right choice.