Day of Reckoning

Well, the day has come and gone and I need to account for my year of miracles. Truth be told, half way through this year I paused to consider the fact that I had never prayed about my list and that became more evident as my life dramatically shifted and miracles I was looking to accomplish suddenly became moot points. Additionally, miracles I hadn't even considered, yea, they were not even a glimmer in my eye, began to appear.

But, first, let's recap:

1. Read my scriptures, cover to cover, book to book.

I didn't do this. I didn't come close to doing this. I may never do this in a year in my entire life. But I have had good jags of dedicated reading (a month or two at a time) and I'm optimistic about new habits being formed. Either way, I felt an increased love for the scriptures and a greater desire to read them

2. Run a mile in less than 10 minutes. This may have to be reduced to just running a mile.
19. Be able to use 10, 12 and 15 pound weights for weight lifting workouts.

Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahaha. Okay. Got that out of my system. So...yeah, no, this didn't happen either. It's funny too because these were the goals I really wanted (top of the list) and nothing happened. Perhaps God's list doesn't match mine? But I have been going for walks. I won't even scratch this one as I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be going for walks; the 6:30am wake up calls are killing me.

3. Watch my tongue. Not sure how to measure success of this measure.

I'm not quite sure if I succeeded at this, I still make poor choices on the things that come out of my mouth, but I am much more aware of what I'm saying and when I've misspoken. I'm counting that as an advancement in this area.

4. Befriend someone new.

I've made online friends, I've been better at retaining friends I've made in the past and I've become closer with some people who were just acquaintances. Additionally, I have been making stronger efforts to step up to others and to leave my comfort zone.

5. Befriend someone I don't like. I hear my therapist cautioning that there could be a good and healthy reason that I don't like them and maybe it's better they weren't really my "friend."

I don't think that I did this. I'm learning how to set boundaries and be friendly to those who have burnt me while still being cautious. But I am learning that I don't have to be and I cannot be friends with everyone. I think I'll cross this off anyway.....

5. Befriend someone I don't like. I hear my therapist cautioning that there could be a good and healthy reason that I don't like them and maybe it's better they weren't really my "friend."

6. Find a charity to support and donate, even a buck every month.

I've learned that I already have quite the spirit of giving and tend to give money to all sorts of causes without even thinking about it - supporting my kids in their schools, donating money at the grocery stores, buying things from school groups, my church donations, etc. I've also learned that it's very hard to pick one thing to support as there are so many in need and so many worthy causes.

7. Take two LCC math classes to bone up for grad school.
8. Call the Hult Center to look into volunteering as an usher - free viewing of theatrical productions- woo hoo!
10. Volunteer or, potentially, substitute in HS math.
11. Call Pacific University and discuss MEd program.
12. Call UofO and discuss MEd programs.

God essentially nullified these with His one miracle list. Next time, remind me to plug my computer into His blackberry and sync them up before attempting this. Although I did learn that right now I want a MAT (MA in Teaching) and not a MEd (Masters of Eduction) as the first is to get my teaching certificate and the 2nd is for people who have already been teaching. See? I did start the ball rolling....

9. Monthly dates with my DH. Perhaps I should tell Robert that we are doing this....

I'm checking this one off. While we did follow through a few times this year, we didn't ever have a regular date night or even something written on the calendar proclaiming DATE NIGHT! However, I have learned though that we do spend of lot of time together as is and that working on a relationship takes work, time and an effort to make it a priority. And I think we hit the dating thing enough months (especially with all the absentee time) to count.

13. Spend 1/2 hr. one on one with each of my kids weekly but I'll settle for monthly.

Um.....yeah....no. This one was a spectacular failure. May I say, for the record even, that I am a horrible, HORRIBLE single mother. I'm just starting to recoup and enjoy my kids again after living for months in survival mode.

14. Talk to my MIL about how much I appreciate her sacrifices regarding my wedding. (Robert was the only member in his family, we were married in the Seattle Temple - you do the math.)

This one is still very much in my heart and my mind. I haven't had a chance to talk with her, fact to face, and I'm not sure it's appropriate over the phone or in a letter.

15. Survive July in Alaska. Not talking about the wild animals...or maybe I am! :)

Done and done. Last year and this and August is looking hopeful too!

16. Attend a temple endowment session. At least once. Potential bonus points for additional visits.
17. Attend a temple initiatory session. Do we call it a session? Oh well, there it is.

And I get bonus points too as I did both at least a 2nd time (I don't think I managed a third). So, I'm figuring that all my bonus points can cover the miracles that didn't occur! ;)

18. Write 33 Thank You notes or "love letters" (not romantic ones but "I think you are super fabulous" kind of love letters) to individuals who have touched my life. Preferably hand-written.

I only ever managed one or two and there are some people to whom I need to send these letters. Again, this will be a good reminder.

20. Monthly love notes to my children and husband. Maybe just daily one liners. Still flexible on this.

I did the one liners for a few weeks and the family really loved them. I need to start them again because they really did help. However, I don't think I can cross this off as I didn't even do enough to get it more on my radar.

21. Find hope again. A real miracle. Desperately seeking God's blessing in this one.

I know right? After a few agonizing weeks in Alaska, I'm beginning to feel alive and hopeful again. I have loved being able to see and talk to my dad and Aunt Judy on a regular basis. I have loved living with Robert again. And even Alaska is starting to seep back into my bones and heart. Overall, these last couple of weeks I have really felt at peace and hopeful and comfortable behind my rose colored glasses.

22. Make matching dresses for me and Lulu while she's still young enough to think it's cool instead of a reason to vomit.

Yeah.....no. And I think she may have reached the vomitting age - not sure - I'll have to ask.

23. Scrapbook 1 year of photos. Too ambitious? Maybe, one month of photos. Whatever. I just need to scrapbook a few more pages.

I haven't scrapbooked in forever! But I do know where all my supplies are (amazing since they're still in boxes in our shipping containers). So, can I half scratch this one? No? Yes?

24. Get the photos on my computer developed.

Done. Now if only I'd done it BEFORE the crash last spring!

25. Get the photos sitting on rolls of film in my closet developed.

Done!!

26. Clean off my bedroom dresser.
27. Keep my bedroom dresser clean for one week.
28. Take a family picture (sans DH) in front of the Mendenhall Glacier.

Done, done, did. WOO HOO! I like this part of the list.

29. Come to grips with the imminence of death and see it as a blessing rather than a curse. Meaning, stop fretting that everyone I love is going to die and leave me but rejoice in having them now.

Yeah, I'm still not there. I don't know if I'll ever be but I believe I'm beginning to catch glimpses of such a vision. Mostly I've learned that mortality sucks and involves me crying. A lot.

30. Begin to like my emotions. Mmmm...I'd just be happy to have the desire to plant this seed.

See #29.

31. Finish typing up my mom's journals. (I'm sure everyone will be happy to begin receiving entries again on a regular basis.)

No. I haven't touched these in months. I think losing all those previous entries when my computer died stopped my momentum. I know several people have them all stored, but I just haven't got back into doing this again.

32. Write an essay about something important to me.

Done. Not a great essay. Not well researched. But I've sounded off on some controversial subjects despite potential black balls. So, while I didn't do quite what I had in mind, I feel I accomplished this.

33. Finish Step 9. (Long story - maybe someday I'll get into it.)

Didn't touch it. All year. I need to get over my fears and just stand up and say what I feel. So much good has come out of that which I have already done in regards to this. I also need to share the story but that's another day and a lot more typing.

FINAL ANALYSIS:

If my counting is accurate (and please remember: I'm tired with a headache), I accomplished 20 out of 33. Not bad. With bonus points I figure it's a perfect score. :)

In the end though I am struck by a few things. #1 (as previously mentioned), I never did talk about this list with God. I wonder how different the list would have been if I had. #2, I'm trying to work on accepting my best as good enough and realizing that perfection is not necessary and striving for perfection can actually ruin some of my efforts and sacrifices. #3, there are so many miracles that were accomplished that are not on this list: we moved; our house may be selling; I survived six months without Robert; and I have learned a great deal about myself, God and our relationship. All things considered, I think my year of miracles was just that.

Because in the end, it's a year of miracles because 33 was Jesus' year of miracles and if I've improved my relationship with Him, then that's the best miracle of all. (Corny, I know, but so true. And please remember, screaming headache and sooo tired!)

Next To Godliness

Cleanliness that is and since I've completely failed to maintain my dresser's blessed clean state alone I am reaching out to the greater blogging community for help - DDA as it were (dirty dressers anonymous - wow, no double entendre intended but that's pretty funny).

So, following Suburban Correspondent's shining example, I give you "the stuff I kicked off my dresser this week"; in other words, the difference between this...

and this...

is this.
To the far left, (and no, this is not a political statement Mr. Freud) we have the "garbage pile:"

• Quinn's Halloween poster
• Quinn's spelling test
• Quinn's pumpkin for the class calendar
• a broken button (which I didn't notice while wearing the sweater until after church was over)
• a 3 Musketeers empty wrapper (to be fair, it was actually full when I clean off my dresser but I deserve some chocolate for cleaning before 8am)
• 2 bank deposit slips and junk mail
• bouncy ball (must get thrown away because these cause nothing but mayhem and harm)
• a dead bit of plant that I cut off and must have missed
• an empty pencil case
• little bits of Halloween fun from Quinn's teacher (why, oh why do they send this stuff home?! I am so throwing it away before he realizes it's gone and wants it.)
• 3 used tissues and an empty ear plug bag (I snore, therefore I am)

Next, in the "Need To Be Put Away" pile (which does overflow a bit and touch the garbage pile):

• a thermometer (from when Lulu got sent home last Tuesday with a fever and yet, half an hour later, when I took her temperature at home, there wasn't one. Curiouser and curiouser.)
• 2 pieces of stationery for love letters
• a privacy policy from the clinic I went too (I never did blog about that....)
• a vehicle registration I've been looking for
• a box of tissues
• Lizzie's pink sweatshirt
• 2 pens, an orange crayon, a suitcase key (like I can use those anymore), an empty water bottle (which I will refill)
• sewing/mending bag
• rechargeable batteries, unused tissues, tampon
• recipes copied while tending the book fair last month
• two addresses that I need to copy into my address book
• Study information for Robert on outboards (it's what I put under the laptop when I'm using it in my room)
• P90X information - this is the workout stuff I've been doing with a friend (do you see now why I was so happy to have completed and entire workout?!) It's meant for people in shape not really overweight people so we're just mucking along.
  

Behind the "Need to be put away pile" are 4 dirty shirts that need to go in the wash.

On the far right are clean clothes to hang up (including my husband's dress pants and tie from Sunday - not political comments aside, I find it humorous that the far right includes dress pants and a tie).

And in the back right corner, my mending pile: Rhys' quillow and umbrella

Whew.

Done at last.

And yes, while I was typing I filled the water bottle, recycled stuff, threw stuff away, hung up clothes etc. (But I didn't mend anything; I simply put in it in the "mending pile" which is no longer on my dresser - procrastination is the stuff of life.)

See how good this is for me.

Just wait until I start posting on the laundry....

Miracle Update #3

Well, I'm finally getting around to some report on my activities. If I were an organized girl, I would probably post a link to the first Miracle Post but I always forget....Maybe someday but don't hold your breath.

1. Read my scriptures, cover to cover, book to book. I think I'll put the Miracles in orange, an homage to the season. So, I am no where near on target for this to happen but I have started a good regular study period. I finished the Book of Genesis and almost the Book of Moses. I joined an online LDS Bible Study group. The dialogue is greatly somewhat lacking but it's nice to post what I think and to read the thoughts of one other person others

2. Run a mile in less than 10 minutes. I, Maraiya, have started working out. "What?!" you say. "We know," you cry, "You blogged about it before." Yeah, well, truth be told, it only lasted a week. I know, I know. Like I said, I'm waiting for the magical workout that I only have to do once, ever, and be fit for.ever. But now I have a consistent partner (we've worked out two days in a row) and a consistent time (would you believe 5AM!! I would have put the 5 in caps too but that just comes out like this: %, which would be completely confusing!).

As far as the time thing goes, I have a trick to that (because really, getting up before 7/8am is just cruel and unusual). I didn't set my clock back. More, I set it forward 15 minutes. So when I get up at 4:45 am (blech, blech and double blech) I look at my clock and in my groggy coma-like state think, "Oh, it's 6am! Not so bad." And then I get up. If the clock actually said 4:45am, I might have to do something like fall on a knife or just roll over and go back to sleep.

6. Find a charity to support and donate, even a buck every month. Well, I did donate in September to Hopeline which supports 800-SUICIDE. I had hoped to give more in October but no one is spending money to fix their cars which means DH's paychecks are lame which means my resources for donating are limited. I did round up my purchases at Safeway and donated to Breast Cancer Research. I think that counts.

9. Monthly dates with my DH. Through no thought or planning of my own, we did manage to go on a date in October. A friend of the family and surrogate mother and grandmother to us, offered to take all three of my children for the evening. Fabulous. We went to dinner and then opted to just buy two new DVDs and take them home instead of paying to watch a movie. I got Clue. I just LOVE that movie! I laughed, I cried (not really), I was a happy girl.

And we're actually starting to get better about having a conversation between just the two of us. We still have silences as we try to avoid discussion of kids, money and other crises but it's getting better.

10. Volunteer or, potentially, substitute in HS math. I have decided not to worry about this one this year. I am feeling overwhelmed with getting things ready for Alaska (just realized that we need to give some thought to marketing our new area of my dad's business), helping my kids, keeping my home relatively clean etc. etc. Plus, Alaska does have an MAT program (University of Southeast. It's going to be tough to get in though (ha!) so keep your fingers crossed.) so I think my time would be better spent volunteering up there so I can establish connections with the community there. (I firmly believe in the old, "It's not what you know, it's who you know.")

16. Attend a temple endowment session. At least once. Potential bonus points for additional visits.
17. Attend a temple initiatory session. BONUS POINTS! BONUS POINTS! Would you believe I squeaked in another visit and did both again. Love it. Trying to get back again and store up all the memories like nuts because I won't be able to go in Alaska.

21. Find hope again. You may find this hard to believe, what with my many "happy" posts and all, but this one is actually coming along. I'm feeling a bit more stable (this month at least), feeling less down on myself (I totally rock) and feeling better about my mother's passing and that God is blessing my life.

24. Get the photos on my computer developed.
25. Get the photos sitting on rolls of film in my closet developed. So, #24 is officially toast, unless I mean the photos I've been taken recently, which could be a possibility but I just spent LOTS of money developing film. Yeah, I know. I should do it more often than once a year or two or three.

26. Clean off my bedroom dresser.
27. Keep my bedroom dresser clean for one week. Sing it with me, "Doin' a little dance...cause I'm so done"

Not so bad. Progress. And that's what I'm going for here because for me? Reaching for Progress instead of Perfection is a miracle in and of itself.

#16 and #17

Last weekend I drove up to Portland. It was a perfect weekend. Sunny but not too hot and not too cold. Juuust right. I even escaped without kids. (Can I add that to my miracle list?) I visited an old friend and stayed with her in their new (read: they are currently moving into and lots of boxes) home and was able to attend the 2 year delayed wedding reception for another friend. (I wish I had brought my kids for that. Super Steve was there and he is a balloon artist like no other. He made Lulu a Princess crown, Quinn and Rhys light sabers, Rob a laser blaster and I got a tiara.) But the main reason I went up, sans kids particularly, was because I wanted to attend the temple. Given that we may move at a very indefinite date, I knew I had to take any opportunities that presented themselves as once I go north, those opportunities will be very limited.

I pulled into the parking lot and this was the sight I saw as I walked to the front door:

So beautiful!

How I love to go to the temple. I love especially the words "Holiness to the Lord. The House of the Lord." I feel great love and worship in my heart just gazing upon their inscription as I walk up. I love the quiet that pervades the grounds - despite there being several weddings being photographed outside. I love the peace that is every where and the compassion of every one around me. This is a place where I feel free to ask directions.

I also love that everyone seems trapped in their own bubble. This is not a place where I feel the pressure of making new friends or fellowshipping; it's like sacrament only enlarged. Every one is trying to commune with the Spirit, worship and seek the answers/blessings/peace that their hearts need. I love it.

I did initiatories first. I haven't done these since my first experience and it was amazing. I understand so much more about some arguments regarding women and the priesthood. But it was all the blessings that filled my heart. I listened intently and repeated under my breath, trying fervently to commit them to memory, especially as I don't know when I'll be returning.

I went through an endowment session. (Is it okay to admit that I napped a bit in the beginning?) But I loved my time there. At the end, in the Celestial Room, I wept. There were no big experiences like seeing my mother standing before me, but my heart felt odd. It wasn't the Spirit and I think it was my mom, loving me. I just wept. I can't explain it at all. I've never quite felt it before. But it was good. I sat there for a long time, just reveling in the Spirit and resting in Jesus. How I wish I could just set up house there and never leave!

As I left the temple, taking the photo above, it was with the feeling "This is why I'm a Mormon." It's not the only reason; there are a host of others. But the temple experience never ceases to fill me. I know that the words and the ceremonies are listed all over the internet and that others scoff at the rites, but the plain text or other things they list do not give the full scope of the experience. Nor can simply attending the temple, if you do not have ears to hear and eyes to see and a heart to understand. My first experiences were nothing like my current ones and I'm hoping the future visits will be even better. The Spirit is so pervasive and God feels so near. The veil is thin. I love to be there learning and talking with God, seeking more understanding and greater faith.

How I love the temple!

How grateful I am that my husband enabled me to attend despite watching children and fixing a bathroom simultaneously!

#28

It's funny to me but this one was supposed to be an easy miracle; a bit of a breather to offset some of the more meaty miracles. To quote my sons, "Yeah. Right."

I've been trying to get my every-trip-to-Alaska picture in front of the glacier since we got here. Week 1 was filled with adjusting and saying "Hello!" Week 2 was filled with bookkeeping work. Week 3 was fill with Vacation Bible School which took way more time that I thought it would and while I enjoyed our stroll out to the Shrine, I didn't get to the glacier. So Week 4, being our last week in town, I was determined to get my shot.

It rained. It misted. It rained. It fogged. It rained. It poured. It rained. It blew.

Did I mention it rained?

No shot.

Last night I lie in bed thinking of all that I need to do during my last few days in town; the photo shoot at the glacier (if I can call it that) was at the top of the list. I said my prayer for good weather and went to bed.

This morning, the sun was shining!

I was thrilled. I thanked God and praised Him for His mercy and got busy with my chores and working in the photo shoot before my niece's birthday.

Then I became day care central. I helped Mia out by watching her two in the morning thinking I could put mine down for a nap after lunch, finish my chores and everything would work like clockwork. And it did. Until my little brother showed up.

Last minute, no warning, he asked me to watch his two oldest while he hurried to work (he'd been called in) and then meet him at the party.

Oooookay. No problem. I'm a professional. I can handle this.

Everything went beautifully, the kids had fun (building a "grave" no less, how do they come up with this stuff?) and we left to run some errands at 3:30pm.

Problem #1: All Routes Cut Off.
My first stop was to return $5 to Costco (I had asked for $20 back and they gave me $25 - I just hadn't had a chance to return). The normal turn off was closed because something had fallen onto the local nursing home or something. Idunno. So I drove to the next exit. Closed due to construction. So I drove to the next exit and then backtracked the last few miles. The road to Costco was blocked due to some hazardous materials. Or something. Again, Idunno. Finally got to Costco, keep in mind this is just to return $5, and have to wait in line. And wait. Did you know that I had a 9yo, 2 - 7yos and 2 - 4yos? Yeah. And so we wait....

Problem #2: Trying To Do The Right Thing.
Finally, it's my turn. I briefly tell the story, "Yeah, soyougavemeextramoneywhenIcameintoshopafewweeksagoandIjustwanttoreturnit. Here. " I hand her the money.

"When was this?"

"Ummm, Idunno. A couple weeks ago."

"Do you have your card?"

Seriously?! "Uh, yeah....justasec."

"Do you remember what you bought? Any fresh produce?"

Okay, I can't barely remember the names of my children and she wants me to remember what I purchased during a routine grocery trip two weeks ago? Is she smokin' crack?!

"Ummm...I bought some carrots...." Long pause. "I spent about $17..."

"Oh, here, $20 cash back. Thank you."

She takes the $5, "It's just easier on our auditors."

I know that as a bookkeeper I should have some sympathy but really, I thought my conscience wasn't worth $5....I'm rethinking that now.

So, we all load up (Did I mention I had 5 kids with me?) and drive to my brother's house to drop off the two extras and head out for the photo shoot.

Problem #3: No Parents; Scary Seat
We pull up at my little brother's house and see my car is there, the door is open, all seems to be well but....no one is home. "Now why," you may ask, "don't you just load up all those kids and head to the glacier?" Good question. I pondered that but I needed to pick up a photographer (my friend Sara who lives only a little bit away from the glacier) and the van wouldn't fit us all unless someone sat in the nasty seat. You know, the actual van seat left after removing the toddler car seat for a one year old child. There was a full meal glued to that seat by the saliva, tears, snot and, perhaps, other bodily fluids of my favorite toddler niece. I wouldn't sit there. I wasn't going to force my children to sit there.

So we waited.

Miracle Part 1: Entertainment
Happily they have a Wii. Our stay wasn't too painful.

Miracle Part 2: Adults Return
They arrive, after only a fifteen minute wait, and my children and I go to Sara's house.

Miracle Part 3: Photographer
After a long story (I'm making an attempt to shorten this!) which ends with my friend (who is actually home because I never did bother to call and request that she be my photographer) and I hauling ass to my car, my friend butt bumping her daughter out of the way while she slides into shotgun and then locks the doors and then drive away like a bat outta Hell (way fun by the way), we make it to the glacier.

Miracle Part 4: Parking
I attempted to park in the original parking lot, which is really close to the glacier but is really tiny and generally full during the height of tourist season. We found one empty spot right up front. Thank you Lord!

Miracle Part 5: Empty Stage
We ran down to the photo area where I always stage our picture and, while there are some people there, it is almost empty compared to the horde that can be there when the busses have just unloaded. So we slip in, take the shots and leave. A half hour later, and the last to arrive at the party, I have completed #28!

Here's the results:

Did you forget I had a paranoid hubby? This is why I needed my friend to take the photograph instead of a tourist; how would I explain needing a picture of our backsides? And how would I explain to said stranger the need to have my oldest strategically placed so as to make my backside look a little smaller? Yeah. I agree. Personal photographer totally needed.

The other pictures turned out well too.

1 Down, 32 Left To Go

Brave Mouse

I know that I already used this photo once but I find it so apropos! I feel as though I'm facing death to snatch that piece of cheese to feed my family; today I contacted U of O, Pacific University and LCC about getting ready to apply to a teaching program. *sigh* Breathe. The U of O didn't yield much but PU (that makes me laugh every time - I guess there's a reason they don't abbreviate) sent me an email and has offered to look at my transcript and discuss what I need to do to get ready to apply. I applied for LCC and should get a student number by next week which would enable me to take their math placement test and then register for class. Yea. Baby steps but I'm getting there. Maybe next month I can cross a few more miracles off of my list. Most likely not #2 or #19!

Miracle Update #1

Well, it's been over a month since I first listed my goals for the upcoming year. I haven't been doing to well.

1. Read my scriptures, cover to cover, book to book. I haven't hardly touched my scriptures. I did set up a schedule but it involves getting on the ball immediately and hmmm, this miracle may need to be altered.
2. Run a mile in less than 10 minutes. This may have to be reduced to just running a mile. There has been no exercise of any kind in my life. Even last Friday when my 4yo daughter said, "Mom, let's work out," and she danced to a short aerobic tape, I declined to join her. So, this takes care of miracle #2 and 19.
3. Watch my tongue. Not so good at this either. Let's just say there was a major debacle last month, the center of which was my ill mannered tongue. Try, try again.
4. Befriend someone new. No new friends but I have made a concerted effort to approach those outside my immediate circle of friends.
5. Befriend someone I don't like. I hear my therapist cautioning that there could be a good and healthy reason that I don't like them and maybe it's better they weren't really my "friend." I'm thinking of changing #5 for the reason listed. I'm having a hard time thinking of anyone I don't like except those with good cause. So, either God will change my heart, the person will change or this won't happen. The first two would certainly be great miracles.
6. Find a charity to support and donate, even a buck every month. Still looking and pondering.
7. Take two LCC math classes to bone up for grad school. Need to get in to see someone at LCC. This week or next I'm hoping as I don't want to take placement tests etc. with all three children at my heels.
8. Call the Hult Center to look into volunteering as an usher. This one has been stricken from the record. I have decided that with everything else going on plus my current involvement in a RS bookclub and scrapbooking group that I don't have the time and my husband doesn't have the patience for volunteering. I would like to do this someday, but now is not that day.
9. Monthly dates with my DH. Perhaps I should tell Robert that we are doing this....Still haven't even told Robert we're doing this.
10. Volunteer or, potentially, substitute in HS math. Tabled until the fall.
11. Call Pacific University and discuss MEd program.
12. Call UofO and discuss MEd programs. I have ordered (and received) my transcripts from St. John's but I haven't actually made any phone calls. I know, suck it up sister! Soon, soon.
13. Spend 1/2 hr. one on one with each of my kids weekly but I'll settle for monthly. Nope.
14. Talk to my MIL about how much I appreciate her sacrifices regarding my wedding. Nuh-uh.
15. Survive July in Alaska. Is it July? I'm off the hook here.
16. Attend a temple endowment session. Nein.
17. Attend a temple initiatory session. See above.
18. Write 33 Thank You notes or "love letters". I have a few names...and ideas....
19. Be able to use 10, 12 and 15 pound weights for weight lifting workouts. See #2 above.
    
20. Monthly love notes to my children and husband. Maybe just daily one liners. I'm switching this to the one-liners. I did it for about a week and everyone (excepting possibly Quinn) thought it was super fabulous. I need to get back to it.
21. Find hope again. This one, surprisingly, is coming along.
22. Make matching dresses for me and Lulu. Forgive me as I laugh so hard that I end up snorting like a pig!
23. Scrapbook 1 year of photos. I have scrapbooked 8 12x12 pages since I wrote, so I think that's good progress...yea me!
24. Get the photos on my computer developed. Again with the laughing.
25. Get the photos sitting on rolls of film in my closet developed. I'm on the floor now!
26. Clean off my bedroom dresser. Okay - I'm headed to the ICU. Cause? Lack of oxygen to the brain from laughing. Seriously, the pile spread like cancer from the dresser to the floor to my bed....I began to be afraid. I've cleaned of the bed but the dresser still looks as it did.
27. Keep my bedroom dresser clean for one week. Well, this would require that #26 was first accomplished, wouldn't it?
28. Take a family picture (sans DH) in front of the Mendenhall Glacier. I have to get to AK first....
29. Come to grips with the imminence of death and see it as a blessing rather than a curse. Yeah, not happening but I think I'm progressing. I'm beginning to see death every where (sort of like when you are preggers and all you see are infants and pregnant women). I'm hoping this is an enhanced consciousness on my part and the beginning of my acceptance that everything - and everyone - dies.
30. Begin to like my emotions. This one I've made progress on. I had this great conversation with God where He reminded me of all the emotions Jesus must have felt during the Atonement. If my emotions give me a small glimpse of this, of compassion and love and empathy for my fellowman, is this not a blessing?
31. Finish typing up my mom's journals. Haven't started. I may need to give up Zoo Tycoon for awhile.
32. Write an essay about something important to me. I did start but I'm not sure the essay I started will work - it sounded a lot like me whining. Maybe I'll try again.
33. Finish Step 9. Yeah. Not even close.

So, where am I? I've sorted through the list and have picked the ones to focus on. Right now I'm hoping to at least get phones calls made and begin to take my baby steps toward being a working mom. I also want to work on #1, 6, 10 and 20. I'm hoping once I get some sort of routine, that I'll be able to add some of the others. Some of them, are just a matter of time - time passing and also setting aside a few hours to accomplish something. I'll try and report back next month. Until then, keep praying for me; there's a reason I listed all of these as miracles!

#26

I find it amusing that out of all the miracles, everyone is amazed by #26 and 27. Even my husband scoffed at the prospect of these miracles happening.


I'm left thinking, "Why? Do you know something I don't?" or perhaps more reasonably, "Do you know something I thought I alone in the universe knew?"

The Blessed 33

As previously mentioned (and thank you all, so much for all your sterling input) I am about to embark on my "year of miracles." I have decided that since this is a year of miracles, the first miracle is to have a year longer than 365 days, meaning that the year will start as of posting this. Some of you may think this is just a shameless attempt to give myself more time to accomplish some of my loftier goals (like reading all of my scriptures) and you would be exactly right. (BTW, as to the photo, do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with a picture for "miracles?")

With no further adieu, here they are, in no particular order:

1. Read my scriptures, cover to cover, book to book.
2. Run a mile in less than 10 minutes. This may have to be reduced to just running a mile.
3. Watch my tongue. Not sure how to measure success of this measure.
4. Befriend someone new.
5. Befriend someone I don't like. I hear my therapist cautioning that there could be a good and healthy reason that I don't like them and maybe it's better they weren't really my "friend."
6. Find a charity to support and donate, even a buck every month.
7. Take two LCC math classes to bone up for grad school.
8. Call the Hult Center to look into volunteering as an usher - free viewing of theatrical productions- woo hoo!
9. Monthly dates with my DH. Perhaps I should tell Robert that we are doing this....
10. Volunteer or, potentially, substitute in HS math.
11. Call Pacific University and discuss MEd program.
12. Call UofO and discuss MEd programs.
13. Spend 1/2 hr. one on one with each of my kids weekly but I'll settle for monthly.
14. Talk to my MIL about how much I appreciate her sacrifices regarding my wedding. (Robert was the only member in his family, we were married in the Seattle Temple - you do the math.)
15. Survive July in Alaska. Not talking about the wild animals...or maybe I am! :)
16. Attend a temple endowment session. At least once. Potential bonus points for additional visits.
17. Attend a temple initiatory session. Do we call it a session? Oh well, there it is.
18. Write 33 Thank You notes or "love letters" (not romantic ones but "I think you are super fabulous" kind of love letters) to individuals who have touched my life. Preferably hand-written.
19. Be able to use 10, 12 and 15 pound weights for weight lifting workouts.
20. Monthly love notes to my children and husband. Maybe just daily one liners. Still flexible on this.
21. Find hope again. A real miracle. Desperately seeking God's blessing in this one.
22. Make matching dresses for me and Lulu while she's still young enough to think it's cool instead of a reason to vomit.
23. Scrapbook 1 year of photos. Too ambitious? Maybe, one month of photos. Whatever. I just need to scrapbook a few more pages.
24. Get the photos on my computer developed.
25. Get the photos sitting on rolls of film in my closet developed.
26. Clean off my bedroom dresser.
27. Keep my bedroom dresser clean for one week.
28. Take a family picture (sans DH) in front of the Mendenhall Glacier.
29. Come to grips with the imminence of death and see it as a blessing rather than a curse. Meaning, stop fretting that everyone I love is going to die and leave me but rejoice in having them now.
30. Begin to like my emotions. Mmmm...I'd just be happy to have the desire to plant this seed.
31. Finish typing up my mom's journals. (I'm sure everyone will be happy to begin receiving entries again on a regular basis.)

Ooh, I'm so close - brain don't fail me now!

32. Write an essay about something important to me.
33. Finish Step 9. (Long story - maybe someday I'll get into it.)

OK, I think that's it. I'll try and keep y'all updated and I'm feeling a bit optimistic at such a large undertaking. (I tried to make some simple but it's amazing how hard it can be to even come up with a list that doesn't involve: get a recording contract and outsell Shania Twain; cure cancer; walk on Mars; become the first woman American President; write a bestselling novel; end world hunger; be instrumental in achieving world peace; write a song so beautiful it makes Simon Cowell cry....You get the picture.) Any thoughts, cautions or perhaps changes (I believe strongly in a woman's right to change her mind) would be happily accepted.

My Year of Miracles

One of the things I'm doing in my attempts to gain some semblance of life control and happiness is to define specifically what success means to me and what I want to accomplish in this life.

In particular, I've been thinking of my coming 33rd birthday. I used to, whenever someone would turn 33, tell them (apparently over and over again according to my friend Elizabeth) that 33 was the age Jesus was when He died. My sister-in-law, Julie, turned 33 two years ago and I shared the same happy news with her. Her reply was, "I know. It's my year of miracles." I decided that this was a much nicer turn of phrase than, "Hey, did you know Jesus died when He was your age?" So I've adopted calling 33 the year of miracles. My poor friend Elizabeth wishes I had had this epiphany when she was 33!

So, in five months I begin my year of miracles and I was thinking in the shower this morning that I should list 33 miracles I want to accomplish in my year. Reading my scriptures, all in one year. Writing a book. Then I thought, "Well those are grandiose ideas, I need something smaller?" Running 33 miles? Never. Never going to happen! Walking 33 miles? Too too easy. Walking 33 miles in a day? Not going to happen. Walking 33 miles in a month? Again, too easy. 33 miles in a week? Yeah, probably not going to happen either. Abandoning all pretense of ever exercising again? Most likely. Anyway, the thought persists and will probably be part of my, "What is success to me and what is my purpose on this planet?" discovery.

What would you want to accomplish in your year of miracles? All ideas happily accepted (I did briefly entertain the running 33 miles idea....)