Adjusting to Life

I've been an Alaskan resident for the past 2.5 months. May I say that life is different here? Sure, we still drive cars and not dog sleds; we live in homes and not igloos; I've never had an opportunity to eat whale meat; and they are just as panicked here about the swine flu as is the lower 48.

However.....

Every home either has a metal roof (I am living in a rain forest) or moss growing on its roof.

There are barely any heat pumps and almost every home has a large oil tank sitting outside for heat.

Girls still wear dresses to school but they are accompanied by pants underneath as well as rain boots.

My children have to walk to school on the main street and not the side streets as there have been bear sightings.

Every one owns rain gear.

Summer ended August first and, if the crispness in the air this morning was any indication, winter will be here in another month or so.

It rains. Oh, how it rains. I always used to say that Western Oregon didn't get enough rain and I have loved having more, but I had definitely forgotten the pervasive dampness and general overcast/drizzly days that are a normal occurrence.

Church is a little difference. We had our stake conference yesterday (a stake is a group of wards/congregations). Instead of just having a building FULL of people, we had a building full of people plus phone/internet connections to the outlying wards (Craig; Ketchikan; Whitehorse, YT, Canada; Gustavus; Sitka; etc.) Our chapel has two hardwired video cameras and its own A/V booth. I had forgotten how difficult it can be to arrange events with people scattered about and not connected by roadways.

"A Chicken in Every Pot" is translated here as "A Boat in Every Driveway." Seriously. Everyone has a boat. Which is great for our business, but makes hearing others' anecdotes a bit different than down south.

There are fish and crab every where. Spawned salmon washed up on the beach with their eyes plucked out. (Apparently it's the local birds' favorite.) Customers have brought us salmon, crab and halibut by the garbage bag fulls. (I have eaten so much crab that we have had to throw away leftovers as they didn't get eaten in time.) Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but when we went out to dinner the other night, I didn't order seafood and for the first time it had nothing to do with the cost.

10 miles is a long, long way to drive. Everyone avoids having to do so at all costs.

I'm thinking about buying stock in hot cocoa. Or maybe I should start up one of those MM companies so I can buy the cocoa really cheap. And soup. Because I seem to be cold all. the. time. My friends say I'll adjust but my heart tells me, "But I look at the calendar and I KNOW it's still supposed to be summer!"

The biggest change for me is the lack of friends (I have two) and even with the friends I have, lack of time to see them. I miss going to play groups and all those wonderful things that keep me in touch with the women in my life. I like working (for the most part) with my husband and dad, but there is something decidedly missing when you are surrounded by only men or children all the time.

The other problem is that we're still living with my dad in his tumbling down home. My concerns over safety are in the back of my head but the building's survived this long, I've gotten immune to the random inclines (the foundation is sinking) and just consider it to a good walking work out. However, my bedroom is separated from my dad's bedroom by a small, defunct bathroom. And, well, (cough) there are just somethings that should be heard by parents and children. Ever. But I'm afraid to ask if there's an issue. Ignorance is bliss.

Older Than Jesus

It's official. Today I'm 34 and therefore older than Jesus. I don't mean to sound irreverent but that's what I've been thinking all week and to tell you the truth, I feel a little odd. I feel as though I've lived longer than I should and that I'm receiving a gift of life that the Savior never got.

Perhaps it's this feeling of life as a gift that has been coloring my day because it has been wonderful! And it's only 11am here.

I woke up at 6:28am (I know, not quite so wonderful) to the sound of a text on my cell phone. My BFF sent me a note (Happy Birthday squishy) which so made my morning. I set off with Carbon, our black lab, for a walk on Sandy Beach (we're terribly original with our names here) and had a nice chat with Lizzie on the phone.

I met my aunt (my mom's sister) at the beach. We've been walking together in the mornings for the last week and a half. Today was the last day we could go together as she's a teacher and starts work on Monday and leaves today for a weekend away. I have loved our walks - it's a bit like having my mom back. She too feels the loss of my mother. We have spent hours talking about family - current and ancestoral, the gospel, politics and life. We have talked about nothing. We have watched all the wildlife on the beach (seagulls, bald eagles, ravens and blue herons, jellyfish and dead chum salmon) and picked out all their footprints. We have seen mining relics and wondered at the little odd things one finds here and there on a beach.

It has been wonderful.

Upon arriving back home, I got to crawl back into my pjs and into bed and was then showered with gifts.

It's funny you know. I've heard about the 5 love languages and always paused to think about what my love language was and could never figure it out. It came to me today: it's receiving gifts. It's a bit of a heart shocker because I have always prided myself on not being materialistic but I feel loved by receiving gifts. I will say, though, that it's not a matter of money but of thought. I love it when someone brings me something that I have desperately wanted or speaks to my heart or fits me; I love to see the thought and time that someone has poured into a gift for me.

This morning my husband gave me the most perfect card I have received (I'll try and post it sometime) and then gave me a peridot (my birthstone) ring. It's perfect as I lost my ring years ago when I put it in a "safe place" while I was prego with Lulu and I have wanted a ring on my finger again. It's also perfect because it's just a peridot and so while I know he spent some money on me, I rejoice in the fact that we will not be selling our kids to pay for it.

The kids came in with breakfast in bed: scrambled eggs, milk and two pieces of toast with marionberry jam. They all had cards and presents. Lulu's was a bath scrubby that could reach my back, Quinn's was a pink (I know - I'm such a girl!) water bottle with a built in straw that hides when I twist the lid and a clip so I can take it walking and Rhys' was a box of DARK chocolate cherry cordials. It felt so good to know that they each hit on something I needed - my back is always itchy and needs to be scrubbed, I LOVE to drink water all the time especially on the go and I LOVE dark chocolate.e

Afterwards I took a hot shower which used to be one of my favorite things but over the last few months has become more of a chore than anything else. I even (it's true) have taken to only showering every other day and throwing my hair in a pony tail. (Gasp!) I know. But today I reveled in the pleasure of hot water running down my spine and through my hair. I reveled in the feeling of clean skin.

My SIL Mia brought me my birthday cake (devil's food cake with chocolate chips baked in and homemade chocolate frosting - Y.U.M.M.Y!!) and lots of birthday love. My SIL Julie called me from Oregon and we had a lovely chat.

And the day is still young.

You know those days that are just so delicious that you feel happiness, joy and goodness just oozing out of your pores? This is one of those days for me. And I'm lucky enough that it also just so happens to be my birthday.

So, thank you to all my loved ones who have sent me birthday presents, wishes, prayers, love and thoughts.

And thank you God for giving me life and more time on earth than Jesus.

To All The Utah Mormon Mommies

Hey.

How are you?

Are the kids behaving today? Will they leave you alone for just a moment so we can chat?

Oh, good. Here, have some fabulous homemade hot cocoa (one of my best recipes I think). A little whipped cream? Oh, no, you look beautiful and you're visiting me so no calories. Fabulous, no?

Alright, let me grab my cocoa and sit down. Oof - ah, that feels good.

Okay, so here's what's on my mind. I have this friend, one of my best friends in the whole entire world, who moved to Utah, Lehi area, almost two years ago. The thing is she's not LDS. So, she's been feeling a little...on the outside. Two years and she feels more alienated now then when she moved.

I know! Shocking! I would have thought that by this point she'd have been invited over for FHE or for light refreshments or, at the very least, that she would have found some good, fabulous LDS friends because really, girls, we are fabulous women.

But, here's the thing, some people haven't been very nice. Again - shocking! What has happened, you ask? Let me share some events with you.

Her daughter's teacher was given a gift from all the classroom moms - no one bothered to ask my dear friend. I'm sure they thought they had talked to everyone via the church connection, but she doesn't go and so she got missed.

People constantly ask about why she only has one child and if she's going to have more (which is very personal and private and trust me when I say that she has good reasons - not that it should matter).

Her daughter has been called fat by some not-so-kind LDS kids. I know. Mine wouldn't do that either but it happened.

Her daughter was sent home from a neighbor's house with the statement (from the neighbor's child), "You're wearing spaghetti straps. That's not modest. I can't play with you. You need to leave my house." Yeah, I understand. We don't wear spaghetti straps and don't think they're modest but I don't think that disqualifies a friend. Don't you think? Yeah, I thought we'd be on the same page.

Some kids won't play with her daughter because she's not LDS. Oh, and here's a classic, "Why don't you go to church? You need to go to church or you're going to Hell!"

Yeah. I was speechless too. But it happened.

It's sad. I'm sad over this. Wanna know why? Well, I'm sure you'll agree, no one should ever be treated like this but also because my friend, she's seriously fabulous! She holds many of our LDS values dear: a strong love of family, love for God, a desire to be better and to make the right choices for her and her family, the importance of kindness and generosity. She is a wonderful woman and I'm waiting for the moment she moves back to Oregon so I can hang out with her once more. And her daughter (she's 6 by the way) is sweet, fun and playful. She would be a great friend to any of your children. My daughter loves her.

So, I'm hoping that we can get some people together and maybe redeem the word "Mormon" (which is becoming a 4-letter word to my friend).

What?

No problem?

Yea! I'm so happy!

Thanks for having this chat with me. I know it's hard to discuss such matters - we always hope that this sort of situation wouldn't happen - but I'm grateful for your cheerful response; I know we can make my friend feel more at home in Utah. I've heard from so many people what a wonderful place it is to live and while I want my friend to run home to Oregon, I hope she does so missing some of you wonderful people.

Ah, that was good cocoa. Would you like some cookies on your way out?

Oh no, it's my pleasure. Here, take a dozen - enough for the family to eat and leave your extras alone. (I recommend eating them in a locked closet to prevent any "I want some" whines.)

Have a great day!

I Even Have Anxieties About Facebook

While I love blogging, I've been going online a bit and feeling at loose ends - nothing to blog and I'm not really wanting to read. Maybe I need a real hobby.... So, in a moment of weakness, I joined Facebook. My friend, Alexa, has encouraged me to join but I always put it off - really, how much time do I need to spend online? Can I just say that Facebook is absolutely overwhelming? I thought it was cool to see all these people from high school, college or just friends that I haven't seen in awhile. But I like to be invisible for awhile, to dip my toe in the water before jumping in. Facebook doesn't let you do that (not that I could see) and by the time church was over, I had all these invites from people who wanted to know how I was. It was flattering - maybe they really liked me! And also scary and kind of like the reunion - after I say hello and tell them the highlights of my life, what else are we going to say? Do I hand out my blog address? So. many. questions!

Part of this is exacerbated by my issue of never really believe that people like me; I'm always internally questioning my friends: Do they really care? Are they just being nice? What if I dropped off the face of the planet, would they notice? I love and totally understand Sally Field's acceptance speech of her first Oscar, "You like me! You really like me!" My problem is that I would need to win another Oscar soon, like, oh, the next week, in order to keep that feeling going.

There are a few relationships in which I feel utterly secure and have no doubts (generally), my marriage being one. (I do, however, still keep him up nights, every so often, with the whole, "Do you love me? Why? Would you marry me again? What do you like best about me besides my enormous breasts?" He just loves it! I can't stop because he would miss it! Ha!) But, for the most part, I am a horribly insecure person. So when I first saw this huge list of names of people I actually did know, I thought, "Oooh, hey! It's so and so! I must talk to them! Wait....what if they don't want to talk to me." And then I stopped. So getting all those invites has been nice, affirming in a way, maybe people really do like me. But at the same time I hesitate, "Why?" I want to ask. Don't you find me obnoxious? Don't all these neuroses kind of get to you after a while and you start to think, "Could she talk about something other than herself?" I guess part of me likes the mystique of every one thinking that just maybe I'm doing something amazing and have miraculously become the most fabulous person they know. Once they find out that I'm still plain, neorotic Maraiya, though, hmmm....will they be wishing they had not decided to "add a friend?"