But, first, let's recap:
1. Read my scriptures, cover to cover, book to book.
I didn't do this. I didn't come close to doing this. I may never do this in a year in my entire life. But I have had good jags of dedicated reading (a month or two at a time) and I'm optimistic about new habits being formed. Either way, I felt an increased love for the scriptures and a greater desire to read them
2. Run a mile in less than 10 minutes. This may have to be reduced to just running a mile.
19. Be able to use 10, 12 and 15 pound weights for weight lifting workouts.
Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahaha. Okay. Got that out of my system. So...yeah, no, this didn't happen either. It's funny too because these were the goals I really wanted (top of the list) and nothing happened. Perhaps God's list doesn't match mine? But I have been going for walks. I won't even scratch this one as I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be going for walks; the 6:30am wake up calls are killing me.
I'm not quite sure if I succeeded at this, I still make poor choices on the things that come out of my mouth, but I am much more aware of what I'm saying and when I've misspoken. I'm counting that as an advancement in this area.
I've made online friends, I've been better at retaining friends I've made in the past and I've become closer with some people who were just acquaintances. Additionally, I have been making stronger efforts to step up to others and to leave my comfort zone.
5. Befriend someone I don't like. I hear my therapist cautioning that there could be a good and healthy reason that I don't like them and maybe it's better they weren't really my "friend."
I don't think that I did this. I'm learning how to set boundaries and be friendly to those who have burnt me while still being cautious. But I am learning that I don't have to be and I cannot be friends with everyone. I think I'll cross this off anyway.....
I've learned that I already have quite the spirit of giving and tend to give money to all sorts of causes without even thinking about it - supporting my kids in their schools, donating money at the grocery stores, buying things from school groups, my church donations, etc. I've also learned that it's very hard to pick one thing to support as there are so many in need and so many worthy causes.
11. Call Pacific University and discuss MEd program.
12. Call UofO and discuss MEd programs.
God essentially nullified these with His one miracle list. Next time, remind me to plug my computer into His blackberry and sync them up before attempting this. Although I did learn that right now I want a MAT (MA in Teaching) and not a MEd (Masters of Eduction) as the first is to get my teaching certificate and the 2nd is for people who have already been teaching. See? I did start the ball rolling....
I'm checking this one off. While we did follow through a few times this year, we didn't ever have a regular date night or even something written on the calendar proclaiming DATE NIGHT! However, I have learned though that we do spend of lot of time together as is and that working on a relationship takes work, time and an effort to make it a priority. And I think we hit the dating thing enough months (especially with all the absentee time) to count.
13. Spend 1/2 hr. one on one with each of my kids weekly but I'll settle for monthly.
Um.....yeah....no. This one was a spectacular failure. May I say, for the record even, that I am a horrible, HORRIBLE single mother. I'm just starting to recoup and enjoy my kids again after living for months in survival mode.
14. Talk to my MIL about how much I appreciate her sacrifices regarding my wedding. (Robert was the only member in his family, we were married in the Seattle Temple - you do the math.)
This one is still very much in my heart and my mind. I haven't had a chance to talk with her, fact to face, and I'm not sure it's appropriate over the phone or in a letter.
Done and done. Last year and this and August is looking hopeful too!
17. Attend a temple initiatory session. Do we call it a session? Oh well, there it is.
And I get bonus points too as I did both at least a 2nd time (I don't think I managed a third). So, I'm figuring that all my bonus points can cover the miracles that didn't occur! ;)
18. Write 33 Thank You notes or "love letters" (not romantic ones but "I think you are super fabulous" kind of love letters) to individuals who have touched my life. Preferably hand-written.
I only ever managed one or two and there are some people to whom I need to send these letters. Again, this will be a good reminder.
20. Monthly love notes to my children and husband. Maybe just daily one liners. Still flexible on this.
I did the one liners for a few weeks and the family really loved them. I need to start them again because they really did help. However, I don't think I can cross this off as I didn't even do enough to get it more on my radar.
I know right? After a few agonizing weeks in Alaska, I'm beginning to feel alive and hopeful again. I have loved being able to see and talk to my dad and Aunt Judy on a regular basis. I have loved living with Robert again. And even Alaska is starting to seep back into my bones and heart. Overall, these last couple of weeks I have really felt at peace and hopeful and comfortable behind my rose colored glasses.
22. Make matching dresses for me and Lulu while she's still young enough to think it's cool instead of a reason to vomit.
Yeah.....no. And I think she may have reached the vomitting age - not sure - I'll have to ask.
23. Scrapbook 1 year of photos. Too ambitious? Maybe, one month of photos. Whatever. I just need to scrapbook a few more pages.
I haven't scrapbooked in forever! But I do know where all my supplies are (amazing since they're still in boxes in our shipping containers). So, can I half scratch this one? No? Yes?
Done. Now if only I'd done it BEFORE the crash last spring!
Done!!
27. Keep my bedroom dresser clean for one week.
28. Take a family picture (sans DH) in front of the Mendenhall Glacier.
Done, done, did. WOO HOO! I like this part of the list.
29. Come to grips with the imminence of death and see it as a blessing rather than a curse. Meaning, stop fretting that everyone I love is going to die and leave me but rejoice in having them now.
Yeah, I'm still not there. I don't know if I'll ever be but I believe I'm beginning to catch glimpses of such a vision. Mostly I've learned that mortality sucks and involves me crying. A lot.
30. Begin to like my emotions. Mmmm...I'd just be happy to have the desire to plant this seed.
See #29.
31. Finish typing up my mom's journals. (I'm sure everyone will be happy to begin receiving entries again on a regular basis.)
No. I haven't touched these in months. I think losing all those previous entries when my computer died stopped my momentum. I know several people have them all stored, but I just haven't got back into doing this again.
Done. Not a great essay. Not well researched. But I've sounded off on some controversial subjects despite potential black balls. So, while I didn't do quite what I had in mind, I feel I accomplished this.
33. Finish Step 9. (Long story - maybe someday I'll get into it.)
Didn't touch it. All year. I need to get over my fears and just stand up and say what I feel. So much good has come out of that which I have already done in regards to this. I also need to share the story but that's another day and a lot more typing.
FINAL ANALYSIS:
If my counting is accurate (and please remember: I'm tired with a headache), I accomplished 20 out of 33. Not bad. With bonus points I figure it's a perfect score. :)
In the end though I am struck by a few things. #1 (as previously mentioned), I never did talk about this list with God. I wonder how different the list would have been if I had. #2, I'm trying to work on accepting my best as good enough and realizing that perfection is not necessary and striving for perfection can actually ruin some of my efforts and sacrifices. #3, there are so many miracles that were accomplished that are not on this list: we moved; our house may be selling; I survived six months without Robert; and I have learned a great deal about myself, God and our relationship. All things considered, I think my year of miracles was just that.
Because in the end, it's a year of miracles because 33 was Jesus' year of miracles and if I've improved my relationship with Him, then that's the best miracle of all. (Corny, I know, but so true. And please remember, screaming headache and sooo tired!)
2 comments:
I love that you had goals to begin with and that you've actually gone back to your list this far in to the year to see how you've done! Amazing. Isn't it so great to evaluate the way you've spent your time and realize you're accomplished so much more than you think you have? It's just way too easy to focus on all that we're NOT doing so I think what you're doing here is so good for you. I'm inspired.
Thanks Megan for the props. Overall I am pleased with the way it went, it's just a bit of adjustment to realize that my visions of success and my future are not necessarily God's.
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