Spring Sunshine

I have been far too gloomy.

Today the sun is shining, trees are in blossom, my generic Zyrtec is working wonderfully, my children are playing at their cousins and my house is sparkling clean and I feel like dancing! And I have. Danced. Twirled. Sang. Played my piano.

Life is good.

But as I'm sitting here, body full of endorphins, I'm reminded of all the wonderful things I've seen and experienced of late that seem to get covered up by my stress.

A week ago, I was walking to my car from Safeway and noticed a man, not a Safeway employee, just a regular Joe, pushing about 10 carts from the lot into the store. How kind is that?

Yesterday I took my children to the library. As we were entering, Rhys noticed a man exiting with a walker. Rhys thoughtfully held the door for him. I didn't even notice the guy and wouldn't have remembered my social niceties until it was too late, but my 10 year old caught it all and acted kindly. I was so pleased.

I turned on my music player today, set it on random and my favorite *favorite* songs came up right away. Love that.

This last weekend I was completely melting down under the weight of single-parenthood. Sunday afternoon, Jennifer took my kids just after church and kept them until bedtime and even sent some leftover dinner home with me. Monday night my father-in-law took the boys overnight and then took them fishing the next morning. Wednesday Kristie had both boys spend the night at her house and last night, Julie, my sister-in-law, had all three over and they've still yet to return. Yesterday I got a phone call from Lee and Sylvia wanting to take my children out to a movie. I HAD TO TURN THEM DOWN!!! because my children were already engaged elsewhere.

I still need to learn how to cope with having all three children but wow! God is good. I was at the end of my rope and offer after offer came rolling in. I am feeling overwhelmed at the care of God and my friends and family.

And really, I'm posting this for myself more than anything else; I need something to read the next time I feel myself falling apart to remind myself that goodness often springs up in the middle of a desert.

SERENITY NOW!!

I am still suffering from a lack of inspiration (in case you couldn't tell).

Seriously, I'm just trying to get by without doing anything desperate, like, oh, locking my kids in a cage.

Sunday was bad. I ended up calling a friend and she took all three children for the afternoon.

It was bliss.

The problem is, just like when I get a massage, I was all happy and relaxed and thinking, "Bring it on!" and then they did and then I could feel myself tensing right back up, nerves escalating and then I can't see anything but red.

*sigh*

Any other single moms? Does it get any better?

Which Great Philosopher Are You?

A friend of mine took the above mentioned quiz on Facebook. His answer was a dismal, "Kant." Blech. But I found the whole idea so entertaining that I couldn't wait to take it myself.

I thoughtfully read through all the questions (I think someone had a great deal of fun writing this quiz) and was thoroughly pleased with the results:

Søren Aabye Kierkegaard

Søren Aabye Kierkegaard (5 May 1813 – 11 November 1855) was a prolific 19th century Danish philosopher and theologian. Kierkegaard strongly criticized both the Hegelianism of his time, and what he saw as the empty formalities of the Danish church. Much of his work deals with religious themes such as faith in God, the institution of the Christian Church, Christian ethics and theology, and the emotions and feelings of individuals when faced with life choices. His early work was written under various pseudonyms who present their own distinctive viewpoints in a complex dialogue. Kierkegaard left the task of discovering the meaning of his works to the reader, because "the task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted". Scholars have interpreted Kierkegaard variously as an existentialist, neo-orthodoxist, postmodernist, humanist, and as an individualist. Crossing the boundaries of philosophy, theology, psychology, and literature, he is an influential figure in contemporary thought.

I loved Kierkegaard in college. Perhaps it's the slash throught O in Soren - so sexy. Perhaps it's his anti-Hegelianism (in my mind, I burned the Phenomenology of Spirit over and over again and laughed with sadistic pleasure). Perhaps it's the fact that he talked about God as it was something intelligent to talk about and not just greater than anything which we can conceive.

This test was the bright spot in my day and I just had to share.

My favorite question and possible answer on this whole 8 - 10 question quiz? "Is there a God?" "Yes and he is probably quite brilliant and German." After reading Hegel and Nietzsche and Kant, that was my suspicion as well.

What to Say

Recently, while loading in the van to go somewhere, Lulu hit Quinn. I don't remember the reason or where she hurt him, but I know she whapped him a good one.

I spoke to her, sternly, and then told her to apologize.

"I'm sorry Quinn," she said in her sweet little girl voice.

Silence prevailed.

I looked in the rear view mirror at Quinn, "Well Quinn, aren't you going to respond?"

He looked straight ahead, not quite at me and said, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"What?" I asked.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It's what you say when you don't quite know what to say."

He said it with a bland face and then looked out the window.

I drove and stared straight ahead, muffling my laugh, with no idea what to say in return.

How could I fault him when he was so clearly right?

Hiatus

I know.

It's been awhile.

I'd like to say that I have a valid excuse.

I'd like to blame it all on my current Facebook addition with the games Mafia and Fashion Wars. And while they have sucked up a great deal of my time (who knew it would take so much effort just to click a few buttons?), I would still have time to blog. So that's not it.

I'd like to blame it on my single-mother status with three children: school; lice checks; PTO; church; choir (not that I've made it to that even once this year!); laundry; dishes; laundry; dishes; laundry; dishes; laundry....well, you get the point. But no, clearly I have time even after all that or maybe because some of it (cough- laundry) I only do when the whining of "I have no clean socks," just gets to be too much. So that's not it.

Hmmm...could it be that I've been sick? No, I've actually finally recovered from my bronchitis and mucous overload; I can hear fairly well and have excellent bladder control. My children have even been healthy. (Please, God, that's not meant as a challenge!) So that's not it.

I'd like to blame it on the fact that my new super fast and sleek lap top got a virus and has been very sick requiring two visits to her doctor and now, she'll have to be completely redone. Having to work on our old dinosaur (a whole 6 years old) is so S.L.O.W. and tedious but still, the work does get done. So that's not it.

I'd like to say that it's because February has ended and sweeps are over and the ad dollars are accounted for (I didn't get any) and all new programming will be delayed until May when I may possibly rake in some of those big bucks. But we all know that's not going to happen and really, I didn't post all that much in February any way. So that's not it.

I'd like to say that it's because I've been in an overwhelming funk requiring more of my anti-depressant medication as the black hole of February sucked me into it's numbing depths. True, all too true, but nonetheless, I managed to mail Rob's package without a grand mal seizure so you'd think I could rattle of a blurb or two now and then. So that's not it.

I'd like to say that it's because of the trauma of doing my taxes, having them rejected because I got one digit in my son's ssn wrong and then thinking I'd refiled them (we were counting on the money to fill in the gaps while Robert builds the business up north; you know, for silly things like our mortgage payment) only to find out that I didn't really refile them and then finally getting them refiled and accepted last week. But really, I forgot all about my taxes until I suddenly remembered, "Hey - where's that money that's supposed to be helping us?" So that's not it.

Really, the reason is that I have no brilliant ideas. I'm FULL of them while I'm in the shower or otherwise unavailable to type: scathing rants; hilarious anecdotes; and insightful comments on our lives and society.

But when the time comes to type it all on the blank screen...





Yeah.




Nada.




So, I've been on a hiatus of sorts. A brain melting, non-thinking, "How the heck did it end up being March 15 already?" kind of hiatus.

Here's to getting some brain function back.

Cheers!