Self-Delusional

Did you notice I didn't post yesterday? I didn't on purpose; I was afraid my inner devil might come out and I might do something crazy, which would then make me feel guilty and the vicious cycle would just continue.

So, I abstained. It took some doing (duct taping my hands to my butt) but I did it!

The kids and I recently had the joy (no sarcasm here) of tending a friend's farm animals while she was out of town. We loved it! There were three lambs, a llama, 3 rams, a bunch of bottomless pit, I'm always so damn hungry goats and sheep and a few large dogs disguised as cows.

And of course, we HAD to take pictures.

I don't know about you, but I have a vision of myself in my head. Said vision, does not look like this:

or this:

But when you see yourself in all your 2-D glory, it hits you, BAM!!! Maybe that darn Wii Fit was right and I really am obese with a horribly high BMI.

And maybe, just maybe, I don't really look like this:

Ok. So I'm not quite THAT delusional.

But still.



And then, to add insult to serious injury, I get this email:

Hi Maraiya, cute picture! It's sure fun being back in Alaska... do you miss being here? I thought I heard a rumor that maybe your family is moving to Alaska? Is that right? I'm convinced that Alaska is our home ... and I love it!

My focus for 2009 is regaining my health! I kind of lost track of myself for a number of years ... but I've found myself again! Yeah! Check out my webiste: XXX.isagenix.com. I'd love to have you join my team! :)

Now, I realize that my friend (who hasn't said boo to me since we hooked up on facebook) is just looking for more people on her downline. I know that! But internally? This is my dialogue:

Holy Hannah! I'm fat! I'm so fat that people I don't know very well are calling me and saying,"Hey Maraiya! You look like you could lose some weight and you look fat enough that you look desperate to lose weight. So desperate that you will be willing to buy my uber expensive product and sell it to all your friends, because you know, after using my uber expensive product, you will be trim and svelte!"

Crikey.

What did I do to get over this terribly travesty?

Well.....

I laid down for a bit.

Ate some chocolate.

And taped this to the mirror:

so I could slip back into my nice safe delusion

AND - I vowed never to let my children use my camera again!