The Birds and The Bees

(returning back to my quest to clear out my drafts folder)

I've been telling myself for quite some time that I need to have "the talk" with Rhys. He'll be ten in, oh, just a few more days and at some point this year, his class will be discussing same sex development. Next year, supposing that Alaskan schools keep to the same time table as Oregon ones, they will be discussing opposite sex development in class. I have always publicly stated that I would much rather teach my children about this stuff at home or, at the very least, introduce the subject at home. I would very much like for all of my children to be comfortable discussing sex and relationships with me rather than constantly turning to their peers for information, as savvy as teenagers can be.

So, time to bite the bullet.

Yeah. Right. I've been saying that since last spring! This is definitely one moment where I'm stronger in theory than in reality.

Robert and I decided that we would be talking with Rhys before summer was over. We would even mention it to him and ask him questions every now in then. He would just give us an enigmatic smile.

The talk never happened this summer.

I talked with Mia about our need to have the conversation and how it kept not happening. She told me she had some fabulous books that she would send me to help me with the discussion.

We waited, but nothing came. (Not that I minded. I'm a procrastinator anyway and this particular event didn't encourage me to be other.)

Finally, we decided that Rhys and we needed to have the talk. Happily the books arrived to help. (No, there were no copies of "You Were Smaller Than a Dot.")

Rhys was so NOT excited to be sitting next to me in my bedroom with a book stretched out before us. He hemmed and hawed and wanted to avoid this at all costs. "Can't we just work on cub scouts?" I asked him what he knew and he professed complete. (Yeah. Right.)

So, we plunged in.

I had glanced over the book previously and it seemed to cover all the subjects necessary (puberty - male and female as well as human reproduction - intercourse and baby development) and had two characters: a bird who was pleased as punch to learn all about this and a bee who didn't want to know anything.

I thought I'd have some sort of funny punch line to end with but, yeah, I've got nothing.

The talk went well. There was one little snag. As we were reading, we came to a section that was talking about all different kinds of love: parent/child, friends, parents for each other, etc. I began to get that knot in my stomach and wondered what the page turn would bring. (Yes, in hindsight I should have thoroughly read the whole book.) And the page turn brought what I was afraid it would bring, a discussion on homosexuality.

Now, I do think I need to start having these conversations with Rhys, but being so uncertain myself it's hard to know what to teach my children. I must admit that I went the safe route; I didn't condemn homosexuality (in all reality I didn't say a whole lot about it other than to define it) and I stressed, as emphatically as I could, that regardless of orientation we needed to treat everyone the same. I told Rhys is he didn't like someone, he didn't have to like them just because they were gay. But I told him that if he had a friend who said he was gay, it was no reason to stop being his/her friend. (I confess that I stopped short of introducing the option that he could be gay; I just couldn't go there.)

He seemed completely unperturbed.

I love kids.

Here I was, tied in knots, unsure what to say, and he had the attitude of, "Cool."

Overall, I must say it was anticlimatic.

I'm thinking of taking on Quinn next (I waited far too long with Rhys and Quinn keeps wanting to read those cool books Aunt Mia bought).

I'm also thinking about talking to Lulu about it. Yes, I know she's only 5 but the girl's been obsessed with nipples since she was two; she wants to know why I put pads in my underwear and why I have hair in certain places. In fact, just yesterday, she came running up to me, "Mom! I'm getting hair on my vulva!"

Not likely.

But I'm thinking she would want some further information and clarification.