I'm a Little Bit Judas

I was watching a Reflections of Christ video when one picture seemed to me to be a penitent Judas following the betrayal of Jesus. I was struck by his sorrow and despair. I was struck by his mirror image of myself. I think I am Judas. As much as I want to be David or Gideon or Deborah or Martha, I am Judas. How willing am I to sell my Savior, my time with Jesus, for just a moment more reading escapist literature or laughing with friends? How willing am I to seek my own solutions to my problems or those of my family rather than giving it to God and trusting in His hand?

I thought, too, that the song, Come thou Fount of Every Blessing was fitting. "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." I feel that all too often I turn from my Savior in moments joy when I don't really need Him any more and in moments of despair when perhaps I blame Him or feel that this moment of my life is beyond His reach.

We, as a society, are so quick to judge Judas for the ultimate betrayal. Perhaps it is because we find ourselves guilty of the same betrayal. I believe that Judas' betrayal was not unforgivable. I don't know where he stands - suicide always complicates things - but ultimately that is in God's hands. I do, however, take great comfort in the fact that all of my failures are forgivable and what matters more than the multitude of times I turn away from Jesus is that I turn back to Him just once more.