By Small Things

I percolate. A lot. My mind whirls continually with the things I'm worried about, reading and wondering about. Throw in a husband and kids and no wonder it's hard for me to get to sleep some nights!

I've been thinking a bit about BiV's post on the small helps God gives us, those little bits of intervention. I think this is another in a long series of posts about suffering in the world and theodicy. But this was the backdrop of my thoughts this Sunday, which was marvelous.

I love Sunday. It is my favorite day of the week. I love knowing that there's really nothing scheduled expect my worship time. I love partaking of the sacrament. I love choir practice and singing hymns. It is a day of rest and, overall, a breath of peace.

This Sunday I started the day with a fervent prayer. I have some issues that God and I are working on and I was begging for more help and grace. One of these issues is to draw nearer to Him and to be a more faithful servant. I went to choir practice (which I haven't attended since June) and we sang, "Oh Savior, What Are These Tears?" which of course made me cry. Sob. My poor fellow altos had to listen to me fade in and out of singing and, since I was singing through tears, sing off-key. I love to sing about Jesus and I love to sing about what He means to me. I took this as a small gift from God, a bit of intervention, to allow me to feel the Spirit so strongly and be reminded of my testimony and my faith in Jesus.

Gospel Doctrine was good, as always. We discussed the pride cycle, nothing new, but it hit me looking at the chalk board, that this cycle is proof that God always fulfils His end of our covenants. Everytime the Nephites/Lamanites sincerely repented and humbled themselves before God, they were blessed and prospered. While I don't doubt that there were still many trials, it was a time of general peace and prosperity. The teacher said that where we go wrong is in the moment of prosperity, we choose wickedness and step away from the Lord. He said that we should try and stay in the prosperity portion. I disagree. I think we need to stay in the humble/repentance portion and trust that God will bring us the prosperity. I need to constantly remember the great goodness of God and my own nothingness before Him. I am dependent on Him for all that I am and all I hope to be. It is He who makes my weaknesses strengths. It is His grace that saves me not only eternally but in all my trials and challenges.

This said, I began thinking again of why God helps us find our keys and yet doesn't end the desperate plight of those in Third World countries. I wonder, "Does He help them find their keys?" I think He does. I don't think that they, anyone not living in abundant prosperity, are all so different from us. We have times of trial: financial strife, the sickness of loved ones, the death of children and many others that are not lifted from us despite the prayers of the faithful. I would find this comparable to the famines in Africa and elsewhere. And yet God reminds us that He is mindful of us by these little things: finding keys, a great song in choir or a particularly meaningful day of worship. I'm sure He does similar things for those living around the world. They are His children and He loves them without measure. While He does not lift their great burdens, I'm sure that He intervenes in small things to remind them that He lives, He loves them and He knows their names.

I am so grateful to be a child of such a loving God. I am so grateful for Jesus. It pains my heart to know that I caused and am causing such agony and angst for my beloved Savior. But it lifts me to know, that in spite of everything, I am loved just for being.