Feeling Sexy

I read this book a few months ago that I loved, loved, loved. Enough that I read several others by the same author (enjoyable but not as good). Enough that I've actually purchased the book (which I rarely do with romance novels). But this book, makes me, all curvy 230 pound me, feel sexy. How can you not want that?

The heroine of this novel is a chubby actuary who is not a risk taker. (Gee, take away the actuary part - which I may have been if I'd even known that was a career option - and you've got me.) Plus, she's constantly fretting about her weight (me) and she has to lose 20 pounds to fit a bridesmaid's dress for her sister's upcoming wedding because her mother refuses to admit that her daughter is chubby and ordered the dress to small (okay, not me but I do feel the compulsion to lose weight). The book is funny, brisk, quirky and fabulous.

The thing is when I was growing up, before I added all this weight from overeating, having children, losing my mother and going crazy, when I was 145 pounds and still a D cup, I never felt pretty. I never felt like I belonged. I always thought that I was completely unattractive. I always wanted to be thin and thought that so many of my problems stemmed from the fact that I wasn't.

I remember my freshman year of college standing in a friend's dorm room and looking at one of her dresses. This friend was a quite petite. In college, if she worked out too regularly, her period would go away because she was so thin to begin with. That's just her body type. Two kids and 14 years later, she's still a thin little thing. Anyway, I remember looking at her dress and realizing, for the first time in my life, that I could starve for the next 20 years and never, never fit that dress. *sigh* I was ready to pack it in and become a nun.

Robert changed all that a great deal but there are still many moments when I prefer the dark to any lights if we're going to be intimate. I want to hide my body and wear clothes that cover and drape as much as possible.

But in this book, there's this one scene. I love this scene. This scene makes me feel sexy. I wish I had read this book back when I was a teenager or early 20's and single. Because seriously? Every woman should feel like she looks amAzing, regardless of body type. And I wouldn't have minded so much the fact that I would never fit into my friends dress; I had (and have) assets that she will never have. We are two decidedly different body types; there's no better or worse just a different set of pros and cons. But it's hard to see that when all I'm doing is focusing on my cons and her pros. That's why I love this scene:

"All right. Here's the truth. You're never going to be thin. You're a round woman. You have wide hips and a round stomach and full breasts. You're..."

"Healthy," Min said bitterly.

"Lush," Cal said, watching the gentle rise and fall of her breasts under her sweatshirt.

"Generous," Min snarled.

"Opulent," Cal said, remember the soft curve of her under his hand.

"Zaftig," Min said.

"Soft and round and hot, and I'm turning myself on....The reason you can't lose weight is that you're not supposed to lose weight, you're not built that way, and if you did manage through some stupid diet to take the weight off, you'd be like that chicken mess you just made. Some things are supposed to be made with butter. You're one of them."

"So I'm doomed," Min said.

"Another problem is that you don't listen. You want to be sexy, be sexy. You have assets that skinny women will never have, and you should be enjoying them and dressing like you enjoy them....Although you're the kind of woman who looks better naked than dressed." His treacherous mind tried to imagine that and he blocked it. "I'm assuming. Eat, please. Hunger makes you cranky."

"I look better naked?" Min said, picking up her fork again. "No. Listen -"

"You asked, I told you," Cal said. "You just don't want to hear it. The truth is, most guys would rather go to bed with you than with a clothes hanger, you're a lot more fun to touch, but most women don't believe that. You keep trying to lose weight for each other."

Min rolled her eyes. "So I've been sexy all these years? Why hasn't anyone noticed?"

"Because you dress like you hate your body," Cal said. "Sexy is in your head and you don't feel sexy so you don't look it."

**If you feel like reading the book, which I totally recommend if you enjoy romantic comedies, please be advised that there are sex scenes and bad language; if that puts you off, don't read the book!