God Offerings

Life is...odd/amazing/weird.

Idk.

Pick an adjective.

I've been struggling of late with myself. I'm not sure how to write this - I want to be clear that I don't think it's a self-esteem issue. But I see myself, warts and all (with the warts sticking out more than the all) and I cringe. I see my faithlessness and my tendencies to wander from God and I get heartsick.

God is amazing. The work of Jesus humbles me. All that He does in my life, on a daily basis, is awesome. I love answers to my prayers. I love moments when He hugs me and tells me how much He loves me. I want to give Him something on par with who He is. Being human, I want to give Him the most expensive, shiniest, prettiest, most perfectest gift in the world. I want to give Him gold, frankincense and myrrh. And then I look at myself, this shriveled pinkie toe capillary and think, "Eeew. I don't want that. How can I give that to God?"

And while I know that I can't ever make myself the perfectest gift, I want it to be just a little bit better. Maybe if I work on this or that and get this trait better, then I .can approach God and give Him this gift that is just a bit better.

And so I turn away, sure that my gift isn't sufficient. Because for me, it's not the gift I want to give, the gift I believe God deserves. Of course, the self work never works. In fact, the harder I try on my own, the worse I seem to get.

This morning, though, God and I were talking. His words just poured out like crazy about how I, warts and all, but especially warts, am the only gift He wants to receive. He doesn't want or need big shiny, perfectest gifts but He does want and need me.

I love that.

His love overwhelms me. His mercy, His grace, His tenderness and His knowledge of me. God is good.