No, I don't have a list like my "You Know You're Old When..." but I just had a conversation this morning and felt the need to share. This may be TMI.I am a fat girl. I've stated it before and no matter how much my friends try to argue otherwise, what do you call someone who is 5'4" and weighs 225? Yeah. Not much to say is there? Well, I'm also a well-endowed girl. The Lord gaveth and kept on givingeth. After nursing they lost any illusion of perkiness and I think they now touch my belly button. (The one fact no one in La Leche League passes on.) The consequence of which is that I have had an on-again/off-again yeast/fungal infection underneath my breasts for about 9 years now. I think I'm finally winning the battle. A friend, who's an RN, told me that I should use deodorant under there. Wow. Strike one.
Then today, outside my sons' school (did I mention today is the last day of school? Sniff. Sob. Could I pay them to keep my children?) I had a conversation with another mom about shorts and inner thighs touching. Let's just say that I'm not sure there will be daylight between my inner thighs even after the resurrection. This mom told me that I should use deodorant there as it helps everything slide along better. Wow. Strike two.
I think when you have to place deodorant in 6 places as opposed to the normal 2, it's official; you are now in fat girl land. Heaven help me if I ever have to start using deodorant under my "love pillow" or other fat roll.
10 comments:
Wow! Do you have an outfit like that too. TMI for sure Maraiya. Get that stuff under control, doesn't at all sound fun. "Degree" works wonders for me and my pits...try it in all 6 places, you never know! BTW, I think you are overreacting.
It was meant to be funny ha ha. I think I really am just funny queer. :( And no, no outfit like that but the picture was too good not to use!
Wonder Woman da da da da da...dee da dee dee. (or how ever the justice league theme goes..haha) You are the "newest" member of the team! You can squish out all of the bad guys with your inner thighs...You can torment the evil with your "love pillows." LOL....shall i go on???
I. love. you. Seriously, SIL #1!
No, you know that you're fat when people refer to you as "jolly."
Do you want to know a good way to feel thin?
Go to an all you can eat breakfast buffet on a Saturday morning and watch the other people there.
I feel practically waif-like.
I once heard someone refer to their sagging ta tas as being in a race to see which one reaches their knees first.
Homage to My Hips
by Lucille Clifton
these hips are big hips.
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top
I was always told that you knew you were a fat girl when someone (hope it's your hubby) has to throw flour to find your wet spot....... Now my BFF I can probably bet you that you are not that fat, you have something on your fridge that says ewe's not fat ewe's fluffy.
I have to say this is one of your funniest things to say!!!!!! THey always fat people are funny so you and I together we must be hysterical. ( I hope you don't take that the wrong way)
You are my Ethel and I shall be your Lucy
Jill - My daughter does tell me that I'm fat and have a belly just like Santa Claus. Does that count as being called jolly?
Liz - I'm glad I can be funny at least once a month. Maybe I'll try for two.
BiV - Excellent poem. I try and tell myself I'm just voluptuous!
Really though, I'm not depressed about my weight, this was just supposed to be amusing, one of those, "I can't believe this is my life," moments.
Post a Comment