Hey.How are you?
Are the kids behaving today? Will they leave you alone for just a moment so we can chat?
Oh, good. Here, have some fabulous homemade hot cocoa (one of my best recipes I think). A little whipped cream? Oh, no, you look beautiful and you're visiting me so no calories. Fabulous, no?
Alright, let me grab my cocoa and sit down. Oof - ah, that feels good.
Okay, so here's what's on my mind. I have this friend, one of my best friends in the whole entire world, who moved to Utah, Lehi area, almost two years ago. The thing is she's not LDS. So, she's been feeling a little...on the outside. Two years and she feels more alienated now then when she moved.
I know! Shocking! I would have thought that by this point she'd have been invited over for FHE or for light refreshments or, at the very least, that she would have found some good, fabulous LDS friends because really, girls, we are fabulous women.
But, here's the thing, some people haven't been very nice. Again - shocking! What has happened, you ask? Let me share some events with you.
Her daughter's teacher was given a gift from all the classroom moms - no one bothered to ask my dear friend. I'm sure they thought they had talked to everyone via the church connection, but she doesn't go and so she got missed.
People constantly ask about why she only has one child and if she's going to have more (which is very personal and private and trust me when I say that she has good reasons - not that it should matter).
Her daughter has been called fat by some not-so-kind LDS kids. I know. Mine wouldn't do that either but it happened.
Her daughter was sent home from a neighbor's house with the statement (from the neighbor's child), "You're wearing spaghetti straps. That's not modest. I can't play with you. You need to leave my house." Yeah, I understand. We don't wear spaghetti straps and don't think they're modest but I don't think that disqualifies a friend. Don't you think? Yeah, I thought we'd be on the same page.
Some kids won't play with her daughter because she's not LDS. Oh, and here's a classic, "Why don't you go to church? You need to go to church or you're going to Hell!"
Yeah. I was speechless too. But it happened.
It's sad. I'm sad over this. Wanna know why? Well, I'm sure you'll agree, no one should ever be treated like this but also because my friend, she's seriously fabulous! She holds many of our LDS values dear: a strong love of family, love for God, a desire to be better and to make the right choices for her and her family, the importance of kindness and generosity. She is a wonderful woman and I'm waiting for the moment she moves back to Oregon so I can hang out with her once more. And her daughter (she's 6 by the way) is sweet, fun and playful. She would be a great friend to any of your children. My daughter loves her.
So, I'm hoping that we can get some people together and maybe redeem the word "Mormon" (which is becoming a 4-letter word to my friend).
What?
No problem?
Yea! I'm so happy!
Thanks for having this chat with me. I know it's hard to discuss such matters - we always hope that this sort of situation wouldn't happen - but I'm grateful for your cheerful response; I know we can make my friend feel more at home in Utah. I've heard from so many people what a wonderful place it is to live and while I want my friend to run home to Oregon, I hope she does so missing some of you wonderful people.
Ah, that was good cocoa. Would you like some cookies on your way out?
Oh no, it's my pleasure. Here, take a dozen - enough for the family to eat and leave your extras alone. (I recommend eating them in a locked closet to prevent any "I want some" whines.)
Have a great day!
10 comments:
I think we are reading each other's blog at the same time! That's awesome. Love you, girl. Thank you for your loving comment on my blog.
Thank you for trying to reach out. It is wonderful having you as a friend and I cherish you. I do hope that this is read and taken to heart.
That was very very cool. You do make amazing cookies!
Lex - love you too. Thank you.
Laura - I hope it helps. You are uber fabulous and I hope you make some good LDS friends!
Stef - I'd bake cookies for you all the time if you still lived by me....
I'm so sorry. I really hope she is just being sort of overlooked and not purposefully shunned. I think one is worse, though neither is really good.
I wonder how many times I do the exact same things, and (even thought I don't live in UT) someone feels snubbed or alienated, when really it's just me and my own insecurities that keep me from inviting my neighbors over for a bbq or something.
Here's to the great UT mommies AND ALL OF US who will read this and go out of our way to make a new friend, or include someone today.
I agree Randi. In fact, I have struggled with this. It is often hard to look outside our circle of comfortable friends and include newcomers or people whom we view as different from us. But it's important. I hope I can do better too.
Why in the world would people treat others this way? I was stunned when you wrote this blog! Wow...this makes me not want to live in Utah!! Yikes, man.
Maraiya- If you need a "letter of reference" I can provide one for you. As I, a non-member, has found a fabulous group of members that have been wonderful to me. {{hugs}} to you.
Maraiya, I am sad, but I have to agree with you on the whole UTAH MORMON thing. That is just how they are out there and that was good enough reason for us to come back to Oregon. We are not perfect either and so living in a Utah city was not fun. they have HIGH expectations. I am sorry to hear about your friend. I can feel for her. I sometimes felt like that and I still do with our friends here. Oh well. I'm sorry!
Alright my friends, thank you for all your support.
Mia - I love you!
Shelby - Thanks for the letters of reference! Hopefully, I'll never need one!
Maryann - Good(?) to know that bad behavior isn't restricted to just non-members.
BUT - and may I say this is a big ol' juicy BUT - I tried hard to make this a friendly chat and not to offend any Utah Mormon Mommies; I read some blogs of Utah Mormon Mommies and I love them. I have family who are Utah Mormon Mommies and I think the world of them. I think this is just a call to each of us to remember those outside of our circles and to have more tolerance for those who are not like us.
I've been thinking since I've posted that there are some people I duck from and that person is someone else's dearest friend. I'm not saying that you have to be friends with everyone, just food for thought.
I just don't want this to turn into a Utah Mormon Mommy bashing session because that was not the spirit in which I wanted to offer this. I just want people to be nicer to my friend and her daughter.
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