Do you ever have days when you just want to curl up in bed? But you force yourself to participate anyway? And then you wonder, as you sit and type on your self-indulgent blog at home, if anyone even cares? I mean, people love you but do you ever think that they love you because God gifted them with love for you and so they tolerate you but really they're hoping you'll find a new set of friends? Soon? Then you leave comments with random people on the internet, hoping to sound friendly and smart and you're afraid you just sound like a big dweeb and people are hoping you'll find a new blog to stalk? And that when you try and comment on important things, theodicy and such, that people think you're an idiot with your head up your ass and wonder why you bother contributing on such topics when clearly you could contribute better to society by baking chocolate chip cookies? And then you start to hover over the "delete this whole damn blog" button but then think that would be too dramatic so you try to think of a way to just fade from the blogging scene? And then you just sigh to yourself and suck it up and realize that you started all this to keep in touch with loved ones (who really do love you) and then to stick your neck out just a bit, to exercise that brain so that maybe some day you'll stop sounding like such an idiot and to be brave and risk mistakes hoping that eventually you start getting better and make less mistakes? And that you should just go to bed because the real problem is lack of sleep because you stayed up way too late (midnight) the night before playing Build-a-Lot at a friends house?No? You never have days like that?
Good, 'cuz I don't either.
Nope.
Not me.
Perfectly sane on this end.
Just ask my therapist.
14 comments:
I never feel that way.
Yesterday, my new therapist told me I'm dysfunctional.
lol, baby, that's why I love you! You weren't around when I started blogging. I deleted the whole thing twice in fits of depression. (Nobody really noticed.) Of course, I wasn't as famous as I am now. Just for you, I will let you take a peek at my archives. There were worse times, but I deleted them. Yikes.
And what you had to say about theodicy made perfect sense.
Glad to see your sense of humor is still there after almost a month and a half of being a single mom. I do wonder myself, but I blog more for me than for anyone else, it's my venting place when needed.
I love you all -- all three of you.
Z - I'm not sure which is worse: your therapist telling you you're dysfunctional or your therapist telling you that everything's fine and that you are normal when you feel like you're falling apart at the seems. I can't tell you how many times I've come home and told DH that apparently I am normal and mentally sane and he looks at me, a bit aghast, "Really?" He even wondered if my therapist was really doing her job.
Oh, and I love your blog. I've been reading it for awhile and really enjoy what you have to say. I especially liked this post. I wanted to paste it on my blog and just say, "Ditto."
BiV: your poem was lovely, lovely, lovely. I really thought it was great. I appreciate knowing that you've deleted your blog twice. That makes me feel better. So much.
Laura: I love to hear your rants. I miss you. You should have never moved to Utah (muttering). :) And being a single mom in Alaska has been better than home; at least here I get to go to work every so often and pretend I'm just a single, childless woman. It's a good reprieve.
I get like that sometimes, and then I check my email, and someone's left a comment for me, and so I go read their blog, then I decide to look at a few others I read .................
Face it, there's no escape from this blog thing.
Jill: I know. I have totally fallen in love with this blogging thing - I just wish I was better or smarter or....see, the whole comparison brings me down. Ah well, to quote Popeye, "I yam what I yam."
Jill: And if I did delete this whole thing, you know I'd just start up another one the next day when I wasn't feeling quite so neurotic.
And then delete it again.
It would be a never ending cycle. So I just try and skip the delete, repost thing and leave the original up warts and all.
And do you see how I am up to bumping up my comment count? I need to surpass my 77 on that other post. Maybe I'll try and beat Sue's 300+ but that'll have to be on a day when I feel like I've got nothing better to do instead of a day when I'm supposed to be working and I've got all this work piled on my desk.
So I guess 12 is plenty.
Not that you shouldn't leave more comments, anyone, if you were planning to comment, far be it from me to dissuade you.
Ha!
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