Gay Marriage

I'm not sure how to write this and so I think I will just go with the "blurt now, ask forgiveness/understanding later." This is one of those articles that would probably be easier to write if my local community wasn't reading.

I am troubled over this whole gay marriage debate. I have been pondering this for the last few years since Oregon had their own vote over the matter. Gay marriage was voted down by the people (57% were opposed) and I was one of them. In the weeks and days before the election I talked with friends. Some had no understanding why I was even in turmoil over the issue; homosexuality is an abomination and it is up to us to keep it from being practiced or, at least, state sanctioned. My husband couldn't and still doesn't understand why I go back and forth on the issue despite having a number of gay friends while working on the cruise ships. He sees things very black and white and we tend to clash over this, not only on gay marriage but in other areas as well, because I see things in so many nuanced shades of gray. The final straw for me in the vote was when one friend brought up to me the fact that if gay marriage were legalized, then it would be state sanctioned. Then it wouldn't be too much longer before homosexuality was more fully taught in our schools. I decided I needed to move to protect my children.

If the vote came up today, I would vote differently; I would support gay marriage. I still need to protect my children and to help mold their vision, but part of that vision is compassion and understanding that not everyone believes the way we do or lives the way we do and yet they are still wonderful people whom we need to love and respect. We have gone over this many times while grocery shopping. My children used to walk down the coffee aisle, "Mmmmm...coffee so good," or drink coffee in their kitchen play. I had to tell them time and time again that we believe that God has asked us not to drink coffee. "Well, Grandma and Grandpa drink coffee." And off we would go discussing that our beliefs are not theirs and that we love them, respect them and allow them their right to choose while retaining that same right for ourselves. Doesn't the same issue apply here?

Additionally, reading John's blog has shaped my opinion, particularly this post. I think so often we, LDS and other Christians, focus on homosexuality as a sexual thing. We think that they are sexual deviants engaging in all manner of horrible things. To be sure there is promiscuity amongst the group, just as there is amongst heteros, but it doesn't change that these are real people with thoughts and feelings and love, strong love, for their partners. One of the most compelling arguments for me, for gay marriage, is the idea that without the civil rights of marriage, a man/woman can not see his/her partner in the ICU because they aren't family. Can you imagine loving someone for years, working through the hard times and celebrating through the great times and just seeing them day in, day out through the routine of life and then being denied those precious moments when said loved one's life hung in the balance? How horrific. There are many other rights like those that we who live in heterosexual marriages take for granted. How can we deny gays these rights and at the same time say that we uphold a government which is said to,

"hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Our country is supposed to give all men and women and equal opportunity for these "self-evident" rights. Are we truly going to say that some people can only pursue happiness if they do it according to our rules? I suppose some could argue that Jeffrey Dahmer may have had a right to pursue his happiness but we didn't let him. Seriously, though, is that even a fair argument? Gays are not necessarily pedophiles or rapists. Insofar as they are adults who are making a choice to live their lives, not hurting others around them, can we really deny them their opportunity for life, liberty and happiness?

As Christians, I feel we are even further required to support them. A few weeks ago I was listening to the sacrament prayers.

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen."

In particular, I was struck by our promises to always remember Him and to keep His commandments. I thought, "What are His commandments?" My next thought,

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." (John 13:34)

The old commandment, given in the Old Testament, was to love others as ourselves. Jesus changes this to love others as He loves them. How does He love them? Fully, completely with marvelous mercy and compassion. He came not to condemn anyone but that all through Him might be saved. We are not to condemn our brethren either, but to love them fully, completely with mercy and compassion.

I have many sins, not the least of which is a propensity for judging others and pride. Oh golly, but I have so much pride. I fully expect still to have many sins when I die. I just pray that I have lived and endured with a heart for Jesus, that all my sins will be on Him and thus paid. How can I expect that He would not extend the same offering to my brothers and sisters regardless of their sexual orientation? It is not whether we are gay or straight that determines our hereafter, it is our relationship with and our willingness to turn to Jesus and do what He has asked of us. You may argue that Jesus asks us to give up homosexuality. Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't want me to be the glutton I am or for me to have so much pride, but He accepts that this is not an easily surrendered sin for me and He works with me. And I remember,

"For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2:10

Not meaning that forgetting to pray is the same as murder, but that any sin keeps us from home. How then can I, who am full of sin, expect salvation for myself and yet set my limitations on a gift that is not mine to give? This is Jesus' gift and He will give it to all who will accept. I have no say on who can or cannot accept the gift, I just need to welcome them and love them as He would.

Sure, part of me still wonders about the whole mess, despite all my above arguments - if this is an abomination unto God, should I be supporting it? At all? Where do my religious beliefs end and the rights of all of us, disunited in Faith, begin? How do I separate my church from my state? There are many remaining questions but I'm trying to err on the side of compassion and pray that God forgives me any missteps.

And if this was poorly expressed, again, forgive me mine inadequacies.